textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
