...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
