The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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