Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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