We got so high we made milksteak
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
