that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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