By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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