y did u give ur computer a hand job?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she peed on how many people?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
