His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
