Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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