My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
