I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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