my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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