This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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