It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
