Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
