So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
