The maid of honor just puked.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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