Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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