You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
