did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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