I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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