you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
