I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
