I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
