Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
These tits shall not be calmed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
