He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
