I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
