so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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