Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
