Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're like the curious george of whores
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
