i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize