if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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