Your tits are I can't wait for
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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