I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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