Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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