Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
