just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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