Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
