I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
