You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
