i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
