thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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