I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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