So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
