Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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