ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
