how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
