You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
