after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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