all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
