just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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