theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
