I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
