guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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