Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
