Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
