As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
