Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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