and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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