My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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