Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
