No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
