batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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