Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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